Introduction
Recently, I found myself “crashing” to a degree. I’ve had this happen in the past, usually due to over work, but this time was different — it was emotional in nature. Now, when crashing, at least for me, I have a few things that show up:
Physical
- Dizziness — Having a harder time standing up
- Brain Fog — Unable to concentrate
Mental
- Frustration — Either about the situation or something else.
- Detachment — Basically “giving up”
These tend to be pretty hard hitters, and I don’t do a good job personally of recognizing the warning signs before it hits hard. But around Thursday of this last week, it hit. I took half a day off from work on Friday, and even today I’m still recovering (trying to be mindful of my energy). As I hit what felt like a warning sign this morning, I decided to take a small break and identify what’s going on — and the I Ching pointed toward focusing more on “Self Nourishment” instead of putting all my effort into helping others at the expense of myself. This blog article is being written as I do my thinking around this, identifying what self-nourishment actually looks like, and how I’m approaching the situation as a whole.
The Problem in a Nutshell
I wrote about some of this already in my Compassion Amongst Uncertainty. There’s an ongoing situation that I’m deeply invested in for a number of reasons.
This all started about 5 months or so ago. I encountered an individual who ended up having quite a dramatic impact on my life. As I mentioned in my past article, there was a line crossed some 7 years ago. She helped heal two of the major issues I carried from that time — through actions, not words, in a way that others might have interpreted differently. She went through every piece of “armor” I had. It wasn’t until later when they crossed the line, that I understood how much I care about them and after their recovery started that I understood the why.
I feel a sort of energetic bond with this person that I can sense through various chakra points. I can tell when they push themselves too hard in recovery, among other things. It’s this connection that keeps me invested in their healing journey.
Given where they’re at in recovery, and due to communication differences, outer engagement has been challenging. The beginning phase, focused on outer autonomy, felt somewhat clearer despite the uncertainty. More recently, things have shifted toward more internal processing with looser boundaries. This new phase has been harder for me to navigate conceptually, and the limited external information contributed to my crash.
My communication style is pretty forward — I like plans, S.M.A.R.T goals, and clear open dialogue. The situation involves considerably more indirect patterns and communication, which I personally have a hard time navigating properly. Much of my sense of things comes from the energetic bond, I Ching work, and observation. How accurate that is, I don’t know with 100% certainty, but it’s what I have to work with. The difference in styles, plus the uncertainty and standstill feeling, became deeply draining, though.
Addressing the Problem
When the crash hit on Thursday evening - forcing about half a day off on Friday, I debated how to best handle the situation. I knew continuing to give at the current level wasn’t sustainable, but where to draw the line?
At first I considered stronger detachment. That’s hard because of the energetic connection and overall care I have for this person — how do you ignore something you feel multiple times a day? But there’s also real value in continued support during their healing - plus, I actually have feelings for her. I held those tensions until Saturday morning when I felt a bit better and engaged lightly.
This morning, during my mala/intention work, concentration was difficult and questions came up again. That led me to the I Ching and this deeper dive.
Inner-Searching and the IChing
The I Ching [1] is a pretty amazing resource. It works off Taoism and the energetic nature of situations. It’s often used for guidance and contemplation with questions like:
- What’s the underlying nature of this situation and how do I hold it?
- Given the context, what direction is the energy pointing?
There are many ways of phrasing the questions, and you can ask follow-up questions. While the I Ching doesn’t read people’s minds, it can read the energetic nature between individuals and situations, allowing one to follow the direction of energetic changes helping indicate movement.
During this journey, casts around doubts and approaches have been helpful. Recent ones highlighted “Corners of the Mouth” — nourishment, not just physical but mental and spiritual.
This article isn’t a full I Ching discussion, but it’s been invaluable when outer circumstances are opaque. It helps find better ways to hold things.
Corners of the Mouth - Self Nourishment
My recent casts pointed strongly to self-nourishment. With the situation in a standstill I can’t directly break, the guidance was to loosen my grip and focus inward while letting nature take its course.
Self-nourishment can mean many things:
- Spiritual — prayer, mala work, meditation, equanimity
- Physical — exercise, relaxation, food, sleep
- Introspection — reflection, analysis, learning
For me it includes all three. I’ve been on 3-6 hours of sleep for months, exercise has been inconsistent, and most of my energy (introspection and spiritual) has gone to this person and their family. That imbalance played a big role in the crash.
I’m process-oriented by nature. Right now that means building more regular exercise, using writing like this for introspection, and redirecting some spiritual practice toward myself while maintaining my spiritual practice toward this person and the situation/family. We’ve all seen the airplane mask brochures as a good analogy and a good reminder: secure your own first.
The middle way is important. One extreme is only self-care with no regard for others. The other is giving at the total expense of self. Balance feels like the healthier path.
A note about Energetic Bonds
I wasn’t originally going to include this, but it’s one thing I’m grateful to have encountered. There are different types of energetic connections:
- General proximity feelings — that sense of knowing someone is looking at you or about to call. In tense situations these can be stronger, sometimes including difficult emotions like malice.
- Deeper bonds (yuanfen [2], soul connections, etc.) — profound links that can build over time or lifetimes. In my case, specific chakra points allow me to sense certain things about this person’s state, such as when they’re pushing too hard (Sacral [3] tightness) or when I’m being thought about (Heart/Mind [4] [5] vibrations).
I wouldn’t have believed it without experiencing it directly in both cases. Luckily, I only felt #1 a few times, but with #2 - it’s daily, multiple times a day actually for the vibrations, and periodic for the sacral tightness. It’s part of why the connection feels meaningful, even amid the challenges.
A Quick Note on Communication and Vulnerability
One thing I’ve learned over time is communication is absolutely paramount. Whether it’s in the workplace or in personal engagements. I wanted to touch on the two types of communication I’ve encountered:
- Direct Communication - This is through verbal exchanges. It requires extra work, thought, and planning. In direct communication one can open doors, maintain relationships, and hash out problems. The downfall in this communication style is for it to be effective both a drop of ego, and potential vulnerability needs to be expressed (much like me expressing my own vulnerability in writing this article). Direct communication can take multiple mediums.
- Indirect Communication - This was new for me, but it’s reading body language with the absence of, or minimal use of, verbal communication. How someone shows up; when they show up; whether they’re looking down, toward another person, away, etc. What one doesn’t do is just as important as what they do. This is easy for the producer (the person communicating), but unless patterns are established, it’s challenging for the receiver to interpret fully.
I think most healthy relationships have a blend of both #1 and #2 - especially since miscommunication is very easy if one follows #1 only or #2 only. Personally, for me, I operate closer to #1. The situation is closer to #2. I’ve learned better how to navigate and understand the indirect communication and even the value of it through this experience. If you sit closer to #1, or #2 - I encourage using AI to explore the other style of communication, much like I did, to try and understand what was going on.
Where to go from here?
The I Ching has consistently advised being mindful of expectations and attachment to specific outcomes or timelines, while holding light, non-clinging hope. Recent casts have been more forgiving. When one’s so invested in a situation, this sounds much easier than it is in reality to hold.
When one feels so deeply invested, how does one not hope? When one is seeking for resolution, how can one not look for timelines? When the situation as a whole feels so opaque, how does one not look for clarity? How does one hold a situation without losing one’s self?
These are difficult questions and I’m unsure how to answer them. This is a level of enlightment that I haven’t yet grasped, in a situation that’s uncomfortable. In short, I don’t have the full answers, but am striving to reach the middle way as best I can. The middle way straddles the difference between clinging to hope/timelines vs abandoning hope/detaching. It’s a very hard line to straddle given how deeply I’ve been invested, but the balance starts one step at a time.
Self-nourishment means balancing care for this person and situation with care for myself. In the case of this person, I continue to support her fully 100% - be that by her side, or not by her side if they choose that. Care and love doesn’t stop or go away; they just get room to breathe and she determines what she wants.
I’m unsure exactly how things will develop long term. I do hope for long-lasting connections with her and her family, but I’m trying to approach it with lighter hope and more inner steadiness. I’ve already seen some health improvements in the past few days. One step at a time.
Conclusion
This experience has highlighted contrasts in communication styles (direct vs indirect), care, and nourishment — and the value of the middle way. I’ve learned around 25 lessons so far from her and the situation at large, with self-nourishment being the newest one.
My hope is that others facing uncertainty might find something useful here. Being uncomfortable with uncertainty doesn’t mean we have to love it — just that we can stay present with light attachment and trust - trust that in the end all things will work out. It also means that sometimes in life we really don’t have control over the situation - and sometime we have to trust that, itself, is also okay. Lessons can come from anywhere.
